Then change the questions to tell you what you want to hear!


1                                  Response to low-scoring questions and comments received

This section gives a brief response from the SMT to the ‘issues’ identified by the survey:

·       “The Company lets people know when work is not done well” – this was a low scoring question and there is obviously a disconnect between what the SMT believe/observe and the general opinion of some staff. Next year we will change the question to “The Company lets me know when my work is not of a good standard” so that the focus is on what is known by personal experience rather than what is perceived to happen to others (which may be the source of the disconnect).

·       “All staff are involved in the way the Company is run and the decisions made” – this final low scoring question is a disappointment to the SMT which believes that in general staff are involved to the maximum extent possible. However we obviously need to do more here to convince some people.

Nicked from maetang 

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I have an overwhelming need to know what's happening for other people with whom I make contact. I think that I've lived my whole life not knowing what was really going on for people so I learnt that was the way life is, that people don't tell you what's happening for them, and that I can't trust what they say, not because they're openly lying, probably, but because they will only tell me the surface part of it. They won't tell me what is really happening for them, and because I was used to it from early childhood, then I was able to cope with it, in my own anxiety driven way.

But now that I've met people who are completely open and honest about how they are, where nothing is concealed and who tell me what is really happening, I've lost the ability to be in contact with people who aren't open in this way. I'm sat here now for instance, wondering what certain things mean. I'm trying to double guess what a single word means, because I can't ask that person what it means, and even if I did I don't think I'd get the true answer.

I think the hardest thing for me is not knowing. Part of it is not wanting to sit in uncertainty, I hate being in a place where I have to just "wait and see", actually that's not so bad as if that's the place I'm in then I know that I will have comprehension at some point so it's easier.

The hardest thing is sitting in a place where I don't think I'll ever know. I don't know whether I used to be like this before I started my therapy journey almost two years ago, but I certainly didn't understand it as I do now.

The further along my path I go the more isolated I feel, which is mad (or at least paradoxical) as the one thing I want above all others is to belong, and it feels like I'm moving further from belonging with each step I take. Perhaps what I'm needing to do is to go right through the polarity and out the other side so that I can let myself belong to myself, rather than needing someone else to accept me.

Or perhaps I'm just realising more and more how much I want to belong and the more I become aware of how intrinsic it is in me, the more I see how I don't belong anywhere and so I feel lonelier and lonelier, and the need inside me to go and find someone with whom I can belong is so strong it's all consuming.

The conclusion I make from this is that my journey towards who I can be will hopefully be a hugely rewarding one, but right now I can feel the heavy price this journey is costing. Not the £25,000+ that the training, therapy and supervision costs, but the cost on me. The suffering and pain and unhappiness that I need to go through in order to come out on the other side.

Right now I'm thinking "Ignorance is Bliss", that I'd have been better off not starting along this path, because I can sit here and see all the things I don't have because of the path I've taken, and at the moment they've not been balanced out by anything good. But there's no turning back. I'm where I am now. I have a choice with just two options. I can choose to sit down, and stop walking along the path and say "I'm not going any further", but that will not give me back my ignorance that protected me. The other option is to keep walking and trust that I will arrive at a place of happiness and contentment, and that's an option I can JUST hold onto right now.

I know that right now I’m wallowing in my self pity, that this post is for me to just get this off my chest, and probably isn’t much fun for anyone else to read, but you know what? This is what feels right in this moment. It feels, well not good or positive but appropriate perhaps? I was thinking of putting in a "cut" so that people didn't see this unless they specifically wanted to but I don't care if anyone sees it and what their reaction to it might be, because I stand by what I've written, and its authentic to me. So if you don’t like it, or think I just need a slap and to pull myself together, then you can go fuck yourself, because this is who I am right now.

Your result for The Motorcycle Personality Test...

Yamaha YZF R1

You scored 6 moxie, 6 zeal, and 5 pomp!

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maetang

Bold the ones you've done.

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo

100. Read an entire book in one day

Lists of fours . . . .